Purple Flower

Lowkey feel like crying but I have promised myself not to cry T.T I just cannot hold it anymore. I hate myself for being so weak like this HATE me HATE me HATE me not only did I hurt myself but I also hurt him :"( this makes me even sadder I want someone to talk to, I want some comforting words anyone? yeah I know no ones here

Hii~ I know it has been a longgg time I haven't come here. It has been a tough month for me. Just a little bit unproductive or should I say so so unproductive. I’m battling with my inner self. Though one of my 2020 resolutions was to keep updating my blog, I just couldn't keep up with it :( it has been so hard for me I couldn't find my motivations and strength that I used to have. My last semester for diploma hit me hard, I’m soo ‘lemau’ that I felt like not wanting to do anything besides sleeping all the time. Assignments and tasks semua kelaut, I tried to catch up with it Alhamdulillah though I did. I want comforting words saying ‘yes you did great, keep up with it’, ‘i know you can do it’, ‘let’s do it together’. I’m still searching for the strength that I’ve lost, I want to cry every day and scream like where is the adlin yang selalu semangat dulu. Now, knowing that degree pun ODL I felt even more down and down. Ya Allah, tolong lah aku. One thing for sure is that I sti...

Bagan Lalang@Sepang Bagan Lalang is a familiar word if you realise, I have made a post about me going to Bagan Lalang few years ago with my cousins and guess who went there again, yup, it is us again plus others too woohoo!  My cousins' family belah ayah, even masing-masing duduk dekat tapi kitorang ni jarang sangat pergi somewhere and spend time together so, my father decide how about we went for a small picnic and BBQ at a beach. that's how we decided going to BL (sebab senang and dekat). We went there separately thus our family went first to "cop" tempat dulu 😂 it was so early we depart exactly at 7 am fuhh sebab  nak cop ada satu port ni dia macam privacy sikit lah jauh dari tempat yg biasa orang picnic HOWEVER, sadly it is tempat tu dah milik orang, terpaksa lah cari tempat yang sesuai and Alhamdulillah ada lah jugak even open sikit.  Before that, what's with the birthday celebration? sebenarnya today   which is the 25th August is my father's birthday (H...

WaRNinG!  I know this will be extremely awkward when you guys baca blog ni sebab kebanyakannya I bukan cerita benda ilmiah sangat pun😂 mostly my random rants about life, anything yang I rasa nak story my feelings and pengalaman tu supaya one day bila baca balik haha ouh gituh ke dolu-dolu acewahh. of course it can be anything, sad things, happy things, bitter sweet-sour of life. experiences are gold ya know. kononnya nak buat lah satu entry untuk perkenalkan diri, manalah tahu ada yang tak kenal BUT rasanya yang akan terdetik untuk singgah blog ni, you guys mestilah dah kenal kannn hehehe. thank you so much sebab rajin bukak blog ni 😂 walaupun banyak benda merepek, but I appreciate the efforts. so tak perlu eh nak kenalkan diri ni, you oredi know ah. ✌👀

If I were given a pen and paper and asked to jot down anything that’s on my mind, no one can predict what the story could be like, not even me could predict which direction it will flow. Random thoughts are just nice but once it piles up then you know its time to sort it out because it is actually hurt at some point. One time I could be thinking about the sky and the other time I could be thinking about the earth. I always thought that it could be outstanding to have such thoughts but then if you kept holding it to yourself it could leave you scars. Like you thought it’s gonna be okay, it’s gonna be fine but you’re not. Bila hati terlalu resah tapi hanya mampu simpan tak terkata, takpe aku kuat, aku boleh, boleh. Tapi tetap akan rasa lemah bilamana mengadap tuhan. Hati kecil meronta-ronta menjerit ya Allah aku sebenarnya insan yang sangat lemah dan kerdil. Aku tak mampu nak bergerak melangkah dengan hati yang berat ni, tak mampu untuk menampung kesedihan ini seorang diri. That’s when y...

Masih terasa kehangatan sehari sebelum nak mula LI hahaha, Ya Allah dia punya tahap berdebor tu hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu. idk why tapi rasa takut dan gementar tu kuat sangat sampai ketar-ketar tangan and memang air mata mencurah tak terhenti 😂 bila teringat je esok nak start LI dkt company yg besar tanpa ada kawan sebab memang apply sorang jek, haa mula lah fikir bukan-bukan itulah inilah, but little did I know harini sudah pun masuk hari ketiga :") yeay? well, to be honest still rasa takut and a bit awkward sebab masih berseorangan tak dapat buat kawan lagi 😅 yeah realitinya this is who I am, tak reti socialize, malu tak bertempat, nak cakap pun macam tanak keluar suara 😖 but alhamdulillah even rasa sendu kit tapi my sv is very baik 😭 setakat ni takde lagi heavy works, tapi dia selalu cakap kalau tak tahu tanya je dia, nanti dia akan bantu mana yang boleh, but she is a very busy person 😮 My place for intern basically very different from others yang mostly memang ditempat...

Setiap satu perkara yang aku lalui dalam hidupku ternyata semua ada pengajaran buatku supaya aku belajar mematangkan diri. Setiap seorang yang aku bertemu yang baik mahupun yang buruk adalah supaya jiwaku lebih kental. Dulu waktu zaman sekolah aku memang dikenali sebagai seorang yang berhati tisu, seorang yang terlalu cepat terasa. Walaupun benda tu takdelah besar mana pun. Aku memang akan terasa to the point that I felt im too tired of myself being like this. Like, adlin awat fikir bukan-bukan, adlin cuba fikir benda postif je, adlin dia tak bermaksud kut nak cakap centu. I tried everytime untuk pujuk hati ni supaya jangan cepat sangat terasa tuh. I’ve tried. Ingat makin meningkat umur, maybe it will gone but no, masih ada. Perasaan ‘terasa’ tu, bukan nak salahkan orang tu tapi rasa salah diri sendiri. Pada awalnya akan rasa salah orang tu, that’s why I will try to avoid or not talking to them sebab takut I will keep on blaming them when in fact its not their fault at all and lepastu ...