a little confession

Hii~ I know it has been a longgg time I haven't come here. It has been a tough month for me. Just a little bit unproductive or should I say so so unproductive. I’m battling with my inner self. Though one of my 2020 resolutions was to keep updating my blog, I just couldn't keep up with it :( it has been so hard for me I couldn't find my motivations and strength that I used to have. My last semester for diploma hit me hard, I’m soo ‘lemau’ that I felt like not wanting to do anything besides sleeping all the time. Assignments and tasks semua kelaut, I tried to catch up with it Alhamdulillah though I did. I want comforting words saying ‘yes you did great, keep up with it’, ‘i know you can do it’, ‘let’s do it together’. I’m still searching for the strength that I’ve lost, I want to cry every day and scream like where is the adlin yang selalu semangat dulu. Now, knowing that degree pun ODL I felt even more down and down. Ya Allah, tolong lah aku.

One thing for sure is that I still want to keep holding and be strong for him. Kalau dua-dua jatuh mestilah susah kan. The only person that I could rely on is him and talking with him makes me felt assured that I could do anything. However, to be frank it has been hard too. The thing that I learnt is that you don’t have to keep explaining yourself. Sometimes things are better to be kept silent rather than barking it cause little did you know you have just added fuel to the fire. Explaining yourself makes the situation even harder, it felt like we are pointing guns to each other. at least to me, if I was hurt let silent heal the process then I won't be hurting the other party too. Bukan gaduh sahaja yang ada but you hurt yourself too. Okay, breathe girl breathe. walaupun rasa payah, but betul lah kak kay cakap, you just need knowledge. Mungkin saya ni budak mentah lagi kut huhuks :) and yes bcs my affection for him was stronger, I tried my best to learn the littlest things about him and even wrote down some notes on Dos and Don’ts. 

2021 goals here I come!

- just putting this video here to appreciate it <3




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