Purple Flower

I guess that is how my life's going to be. It has been an up and down hectic life. Too many things pile up and I have been frustrating a lot with unnecessary stress. Contemplating back if ever my decisions were right or is it going to be that kind of life lesson I need to learn. I'm very much frustrated with myself on so so many things. Sometimes I thought that I'm ready to be hurt and grow up, but at times I'm afraid to walk any further. I'm just frustrated that I can't do any good in my life. Still depends on someone. Still relying on someone. am I even worth it to be fight for? am I really worth it to live another life? please oh god can someone tell me that I'm doing good enough? tell me that it's okay to take it slow. I'm trying to cope right now.   

 😔 idk anymore. a thousand times i've been hurt, I'll always come to you and think about you first. worried about you. when in fact I was hurt too but I guess I just need to swallow it all down for you.

 can someone ask if I'm okay? 😔 cause literally I am not okay. I want someone to talk to...😢

 Ya Allah 😢😭 can you give me the chance to fix what's broken? jeballl T.T  Tolong Ya Allah 😭😭😭😭

Ya Allah, jika kewujudan aku di dunia ini tidak lagi membawa makna dan tidak membawa faedah pada orang lain, maka Kau cabutlah nyawa ku, supaya tiada lagi yang disakiti.

dah agak dah, aku hidup ni cuma bawa luka dan sengsara pada orang lain je, since dari dulu. then should I just die? so that the world will be in peace again,,, wait let me kill myself.😔

IDK.... it hurts every time I think about it, though I thought I'm going to just let it go but 😔 tak tahu lah nak cakap camne.... takpe ah simpan je, simpan je adlin, simpan.

SOMEONE DOES NOT LEARN THEIR MISTAKE!! WHY ADLIN WHYYY! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS OVER & OVER AGAIN! I thought you already understood that some times you just have to keep silent for good! no need!! no need to explain yourself again, takpelah dia faham ke tak faham awak pun, yang penting tak jadi pergaduhan over petite things. now adlin, terimalah akibatnya awak yang cari pasal sendiri, awak yang cari masalah sendiri. now rasa lah sendiri. rasa bertapa frust you are to hurt the person you love. rasa how much it upsets you and how much it hurts deeper down inside. i just don't know what to do with myself anymore :"(

Lowkey feel like crying but I have promised myself not to cry T.T I just cannot hold it anymore. I hate myself for being so weak like this HATE me HATE me HATE me not only did I hurt myself but I also hurt him :"( this makes me even sadder I want someone to talk to, I want some comforting words anyone? yeah I know no ones here

Hii~ I know it has been a longgg time I haven't come here. It has been a tough month for me. Just a little bit unproductive or should I say so so unproductive. I’m battling with my inner self. Though one of my 2020 resolutions was to keep updating my blog, I just couldn't keep up with it :( it has been so hard for me I couldn't find my motivations and strength that I used to have. My last semester for diploma hit me hard, I’m soo ‘lemau’ that I felt like not wanting to do anything besides sleeping all the time. Assignments and tasks semua kelaut, I tried to catch up with it Alhamdulillah though I did. I want comforting words saying ‘yes you did great, keep up with it’, ‘i know you can do it’, ‘let’s do it together’. I’m still searching for the strength that I’ve lost, I want to cry every day and scream like where is the adlin yang selalu semangat dulu. Now, knowing that degree pun ODL I felt even more down and down. Ya Allah, tolong lah aku. One thing for sure is that I sti