Purple Flower

Wrapped in my blanket, The only thing I could smell is you, Oh how I wish that you are here beside me, I miss you so much that the world could ever tell, But I have decided that I should be strong, And wait patiently, Till the day we will meet again sayangku <3 I'm sorry for everything, How I wish I could be the perfect person, The right person for you, Though there's so much mistake, I could never afford to face you, But I'm always trying my best only for you. Cause the only thing that is left in me is that I will always love you

I guess that is how my life's going to be. It has been an up and down hectic life. Too many things pile up and I have been frustrating a lot with unnecessary stress. Contemplating back if ever my decisions were right or is it going to be that kind of life lesson I need to learn. I'm very much frustrated with myself on so so many things. Sometimes I thought that I'm ready to be hurt and grow up, but at times I'm afraid to walk any further. I'm just frustrated that I can't do any good in my life. Still depends on someone. Still relying on someone. am I even worth it to be fight for? am I really worth it to live another life? please oh god can someone tell me that I'm doing good enough? tell me that it's okay to take it slow. I'm trying to cope right now.   

 😔 idk anymore. a thousand times i've been hurt, I'll always come to you and think about you first. worried about you. when in fact I was hurt too but I guess I just need to swallow it all down for you.

 can someone ask if I'm okay? 😔 cause literally I am not okay. I want someone to talk to...😢

 Ya Allah 😢😭 can you give me the chance to fix what's broken? jeballl T.T  Tolong Ya Allah 😭😭😭😭

Ya Allah, jika kewujudan aku di dunia ini tidak lagi membawa makna dan tidak membawa faedah pada orang lain, maka Kau cabutlah nyawa ku, supaya tiada lagi yang disakiti.

dah agak dah, aku hidup ni cuma bawa luka dan sengsara pada orang lain je, since dari dulu. then should I just die? so that the world will be in peace again,,, wait let me kill myself.😔

IDK.... it hurts every time I think about it, though I thought I'm going to just let it go but 😔 tak tahu lah nak cakap camne.... takpe ah simpan je, simpan je adlin, simpan.

SOMEONE DOES NOT LEARN THEIR MISTAKE!! WHY ADLIN WHYYY! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS OVER & OVER AGAIN! I thought you already understood that some times you just have to keep silent for good! no need!! no need to explain yourself again, takpelah dia faham ke tak faham awak pun, yang penting tak jadi pergaduhan over petite things. now adlin, terimalah akibatnya awak yang cari pasal sendiri, awak yang cari masalah sendiri. now rasa lah sendiri. rasa bertapa frust you are to hurt the person you love. rasa how much it upsets you and how much it hurts deeper down inside. i just don't know what to do with myself anymore :"(

Lowkey feel like crying but I have promised myself not to cry T.T I just cannot hold it anymore. I hate myself for being so weak like this HATE me HATE me HATE me not only did I hurt myself but I also hurt him :"( this makes me even sadder I want someone to talk to, I want some comforting words anyone? yeah I know no ones here

Hii~ I know it has been a longgg time I haven't come here. It has been a tough month for me. Just a little bit unproductive or should I say so so unproductive. I’m battling with my inner self. Though one of my 2020 resolutions was to keep updating my blog, I just couldn't keep up with it :( it has been so hard for me I couldn't find my motivations and strength that I used to have. My last semester for diploma hit me hard, I’m soo ‘lemau’ that I felt like not wanting to do anything besides sleeping all the time. Assignments and tasks semua kelaut, I tried to catch up with it Alhamdulillah though I did. I want comforting words saying ‘yes you did great, keep up with it’, ‘i know you can do it’, ‘let’s do it together’. I’m still searching for the strength that I’ve lost, I want to cry every day and scream like where is the adlin yang selalu semangat dulu. Now, knowing that degree pun ODL I felt even more down and down. Ya Allah, tolong lah aku. One thing for sure is that I sti...

Bagan Lalang@Sepang Bagan Lalang is a familiar word if you realise, I have made a post about me going to Bagan Lalang few years ago with my cousins and guess who went there again, yup, it is us again plus others too woohoo!  My cousins' family belah ayah, even masing-masing duduk dekat tapi kitorang ni jarang sangat pergi somewhere and spend time together so, my father decide how about we went for a small picnic and BBQ at a beach. that's how we decided going to BL (sebab senang and dekat). We went there separately thus our family went first to "cop" tempat dulu 😂 it was so early we depart exactly at 7 am fuhh sebab  nak cop ada satu port ni dia macam privacy sikit lah jauh dari tempat yg biasa orang picnic HOWEVER, sadly it is tempat tu dah milik orang, terpaksa lah cari tempat yang sesuai and Alhamdulillah ada lah jugak even open sikit.  Before that, what's with the birthday celebration? sebenarnya today   which is the 25th August is my father's birthday (H...

WaRNinG!  I know this will be extremely awkward when you guys baca blog ni sebab kebanyakannya I bukan cerita benda ilmiah sangat pun😂 mostly my random rants about life, anything yang I rasa nak story my feelings and pengalaman tu supaya one day bila baca balik haha ouh gituh ke dolu-dolu acewahh. of course it can be anything, sad things, happy things, bitter sweet-sour of life. experiences are gold ya know. kononnya nak buat lah satu entry untuk perkenalkan diri, manalah tahu ada yang tak kenal BUT rasanya yang akan terdetik untuk singgah blog ni, you guys mestilah dah kenal kannn hehehe. thank you so much sebab rajin bukak blog ni 😂 walaupun banyak benda merepek, but I appreciate the efforts. so tak perlu eh nak kenalkan diri ni, you oredi know ah. ✌👀

If I were given a pen and paper and asked to jot down anything that’s on my mind, no one can predict what the story could be like, not even me could predict which direction it will flow. Random thoughts are just nice but once it piles up then you know its time to sort it out because it is actually hurt at some point. One time I could be thinking about the sky and the other time I could be thinking about the earth. I always thought that it could be outstanding to have such thoughts but then if you kept holding it to yourself it could leave you scars. Like you thought it’s gonna be okay, it’s gonna be fine but you’re not. Bila hati terlalu resah tapi hanya mampu simpan tak terkata, takpe aku kuat, aku boleh, boleh. Tapi tetap akan rasa lemah bilamana mengadap tuhan. Hati kecil meronta-ronta menjerit ya Allah aku sebenarnya insan yang sangat lemah dan kerdil. Aku tak mampu nak bergerak melangkah dengan hati yang berat ni, tak mampu untuk menampung kesedihan ini seorang diri. That’s when y...

Masih terasa kehangatan sehari sebelum nak mula LI hahaha, Ya Allah dia punya tahap berdebor tu hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu. idk why tapi rasa takut dan gementar tu kuat sangat sampai ketar-ketar tangan and memang air mata mencurah tak terhenti 😂 bila teringat je esok nak start LI dkt company yg besar tanpa ada kawan sebab memang apply sorang jek, haa mula lah fikir bukan-bukan itulah inilah, but little did I know harini sudah pun masuk hari ketiga :") yeay? well, to be honest still rasa takut and a bit awkward sebab masih berseorangan tak dapat buat kawan lagi 😅 yeah realitinya this is who I am, tak reti socialize, malu tak bertempat, nak cakap pun macam tanak keluar suara 😖 but alhamdulillah even rasa sendu kit tapi my sv is very baik 😭 setakat ni takde lagi heavy works, tapi dia selalu cakap kalau tak tahu tanya je dia, nanti dia akan bantu mana yang boleh, but she is a very busy person 😮 My place for intern basically very different from others yang mostly memang ditempat...

Setiap satu perkara yang aku lalui dalam hidupku ternyata semua ada pengajaran buatku supaya aku belajar mematangkan diri. Setiap seorang yang aku bertemu yang baik mahupun yang buruk adalah supaya jiwaku lebih kental. Dulu waktu zaman sekolah aku memang dikenali sebagai seorang yang berhati tisu, seorang yang terlalu cepat terasa. Walaupun benda tu takdelah besar mana pun. Aku memang akan terasa to the point that I felt im too tired of myself being like this. Like, adlin awat fikir bukan-bukan, adlin cuba fikir benda postif je, adlin dia tak bermaksud kut nak cakap centu. I tried everytime untuk pujuk hati ni supaya jangan cepat sangat terasa tuh. I’ve tried. Ingat makin meningkat umur, maybe it will gone but no, masih ada. Perasaan ‘terasa’ tu, bukan nak salahkan orang tu tapi rasa salah diri sendiri. Pada awalnya akan rasa salah orang tu, that’s why I will try to avoid or not talking to them sebab takut I will keep on blaming them when in fact its not their fault at all and lepastu ...

Since musim pkp ni rasa so unproduktif yang teramat, dia sampai tak tahu lah nak habaq macam mana rasa dia, tapi centu lah. Start cuti Covid-19 ni UiTM buat ODL ye and this is my first time eh rasa Online Distance Learning (ODL) hahaha. Biasanya dengar ODL ni students degree yang amik. This is actually a really good initiave by the UiTM even rasa macam susah je, ye memang semua orang effect not only the students but also the lecturers and other UiTM staffs too. But ngl this is the best way to keep the learning berjalan. We as a student do our part to keep up the learning momentum and be cooperative as much. Yup, maybe there are times that we feel hopeless and difficult but inshaallah kalau banyak bersabar Allah akan permudahkan urusan semua orang. Praying for the best. So sebenarnya apa cerita ni nak tulis hahahah, memang takde benda pun but just wanna share something yang dah lama terfikir. But before that lah cam bese nak flashback kit. February 14th was the day result sem ...

InshaAllah semua dekan lagi sem ni, aamiin yeay, alhamdulillah selesai sudah jihad menjawab final exam harini, penangan paper tarikh tasyri yang paling kritikal memainkan emosi di saat-saat akhir ni, bukan kaleng kaleng hahahaha sekarang tibalah waktunya untuk merempuh masa-masa mereput hahaha tak sangka ye dah habis dah tiga sem kat UiTM begitu je, sungguh cepat masa berlalu dan berbaki hanya setahun je lagi untuk tamat diploma uhuks. cuti sem ni tak lama pun, nanti masuk sem 4 cabaran dia up la sikit. final exam yang dulu selalu empat paper je, tapi sem 4 nanti ada lima paper untuk final, enam kursus satu je takde final exam, haaa sudah nak tanak kita kena kasi onnz jelah! takpe berjihad menuntut ilmu ni sikit je yang penting kena sentiasa ikhlas mengharunginya, barulah Allah akan permudahkannya untuk kita inshaAllah. sentiasa lah bergantung harap kepadaNya, pasti Allah akan membantu kita. setiap perkara yang kita lalui pasti ada hikmahnya walaupun perkara itu benda yang kita t...

So now it's currently 2.00 am in the morning... I don't even know why I'm writing this, I just don't know :) I have three finals coming up, and one paper is done! I know I should be studying right now, but I felt exhausted already, and I can't even sleep, maybe because of the caffeine effect annnnnnnnd I'm gonna have my second paper at 9. So yeah that's it. alhamdulillah for these few days in 2020, not officially 20 yet but for real I'm turning 20 this year. I'm 20!!? Can't imagine it huhu no more teens. I don't know what surprises in 2020 for me but I do hope that it could be an amazing and wonderful journey. I will always pray that my family, my friends, and people that surround me will be living a joyful and blissful life also.  The moon is so beautiful tonight Let's just keep on striving and do our best <3<3 It's a good thing to start 2020 with final exams

Nur Amani nama yang diberi, kamu dilahirkan dengan beribu ujian, kamu lahir tanpa mengenal hakikat kehidupan, akan tetapi kamu sangat beruntung kerana ramai disekeliling kamu sangat menyanyangi mu walau apa-apa pun kekurangan yang kamu ada, mereka tetap mencurahkan kasih sayang, berkongsi kegembiraan mereka bersama kamu kerana kamulah anak-anak syurga, amani, you are a diamond in our life, amani, kamu itu amanah tuhan yang perlu sentisa dijaga dan disayangi. Inilah tiket mama dan babah untuk ke syurga, pimpimlah tangan mereka masuk ke syurga because they deserve it, membesarkan kamu dan juga anak-anaknya yang lain dengan penuh kesabaran dan pengorbanan. Sungguh dulu tak pernah terlintas dalam fikiran, tak pernah sekali ambil peduli bagaimana lah kehidupan mereka yang mempunyai ahli keluarga yang mempunyai kekurangan istimewa sama ada dari fizikalnya atau mentalnya. Namun, bila hadirnya seorang insan bernama amani ni ahh baru ku tahu begini perasaannya. As a sister myself mungkin w...