a little confession

Hii~ I know it has been a longgg time I haven't come here. It has been a tough month for me. Just a little bit unproductive or should I say so so unproductive. I’m battling with my inner self. Though one of my 2020 resolutions was to keep updating my blog, I just couldn't keep up with it :( it has been so hard for me I couldn't find my motivations and strength that I used to have. My last semester for diploma hit me hard, I’m soo ‘lemau’ that I felt like not wanting to do anything besides sleeping all the time. Assignments and tasks semua kelaut, I tried to catch up with it Alhamdulillah though I did. I want comforting words saying ‘yes you did great, keep up with it’, ‘i know you can do it’, ‘let’s do it together’. I’m still searching for the strength that I’ve lost, I want to cry every day and scream like where is the adlin yang selalu semangat dulu. Now, knowing that degree pun ODL I felt even more down and down. Ya Allah, tolong lah aku.

One thing for sure is that I still want to keep holding and be strong for him. Kalau dua-dua jatuh mestilah susah kan. The only person that I could rely on is him and talking with him makes me felt assured that I could do anything. However, to be frank it has been hard too. The thing that I learnt is that you don’t have to keep explaining yourself. Sometimes things are better to be kept silent rather than barking it cause little did you know you have just added fuel to the fire. Explaining yourself makes the situation even harder, it felt like we are pointing guns to each other. at least to me, if I was hurt let silent heal the process then I won't be hurting the other party too. Bukan gaduh sahaja yang ada but you hurt yourself too. Okay, breathe girl breathe. walaupun rasa payah, but betul lah kak kay cakap, you just need knowledge. Mungkin saya ni budak mentah lagi kut huhuks :) and yes bcs my affection for him was stronger, I tried my best to learn the littlest things about him and even wrote down some notes on Dos and Don’ts. 

2021 goals here I come!

- just putting this video here to appreciate it <3




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One and a half

InshaAllah semua dekan lagi sem ni, aamiin yeay, alhamdulillah selesai sudah jihad menjawab final exam harini, penangan paper tarikh tasyri yang paling kritikal memainkan emosi di saat-saat akhir ni, bukan kaleng kaleng hahahaha sekarang tibalah waktunya untuk merempuh masa-masa mereput hahaha tak sangka ye dah habis dah tiga sem kat UiTM begitu je, sungguh cepat masa berlalu dan berbaki hanya setahun je lagi untuk tamat diploma uhuks. cuti sem ni tak lama pun, nanti masuk sem 4 cabaran dia up la sikit. final exam yang dulu selalu empat paper je, tapi sem 4 nanti ada lima paper untuk final, enam kursus satu je takde final exam, haaa sudah nak tanak kita kena kasi onnz jelah! takpe berjihad menuntut ilmu ni sikit je yang penting kena sentiasa ikhlas mengharunginya, barulah Allah akan permudahkannya untuk kita inshaAllah. sentiasa lah bergantung harap kepadaNya, pasti Allah akan membantu kita. setiap perkara yang kita lalui pasti ada hikmahnya walaupun perkara itu benda yang kita t...
Read more

Gang Bas Sekolah

During school day at YIS Yanbu Saudi Arabia, I will wake up at 6:30 and then I pray. After that I went to take a bath and get breakfast. When it is 7:45 my brother and I went downstair and waited for the bus to come. Before the bus came we usually played or talked a bit with our neighbors. Their name is Sarah, Sofea, Farzana, Afiq and Kiran. All of them are Malaysian. Sometime my younger brother also joined us, but he went to the preschool. After riding the bus we played at sand area or the hardcourt. When the bell is ringing, we all have to line up by our classes. Then we learned and learned. In the morning we had our snack and in the afternoon we had our lunch. When it is 3:00 we all went to the same bus we went to school in the morning. The bus will sent us home. Today is about 3 weeks after last school day at YIS.   :)
Read more

KiDZaNiA

Thank to all of u who read my blog....I'm sorry again for not writing any story yet...    And today, I'm writing my story at KIDZANIA. First thing, what is KidZania? Kidzania ia like a new world where cool kids live. That is what kidzania means. There are some characters in Kidzania like Chika, Vita, Bepop, Bache and Urbano. The currency in Kidzania is different than other places. They are called Kidzos. There are many places that is like a real world BUT it is for kids only. Parents are also welcome, too. First thing we went inside is to buy the tickets, of course. And then we get free fifty Kidzos. There are two session in weekend and one session in weekday. If  you are interested and want to learn more about Kidzania please kindly visit the websites- www.kidzania.com.my    The first job we went is the construction sides. And of course I forgot to mention that it is not only me who went there, there are two of my cousins and my brother. Ok, continue the st...
Read more